we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
