I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
