you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
