you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
