As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
