Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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