allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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