I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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