Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
me + whiskey = a bad person
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize