Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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