I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize