her vagina looked like bernie madoff
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You made out with two different species that night
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
