youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
