we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
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