So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
