I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
