You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
