Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
