he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
