haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
