My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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