Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize