as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
