Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
