I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
