I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
