Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
