she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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