we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
