I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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