im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
