apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My dick has a subreddit
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize