I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
