smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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