just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
