after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
