You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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