True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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