I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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