Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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