This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize