Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
