I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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