Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
