In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
