I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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