I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
