I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
