Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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