Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
