I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
