so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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