smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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