I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
