he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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