It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize