I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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