You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
