hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
