if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
