I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
