i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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