You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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