The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
