I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
should my penis look like a turkey
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
