Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
