Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
