So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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