Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
