Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
